Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
