note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
