You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
