woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
