walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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