so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
