it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
