allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
