I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize