it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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