He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
