YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
