So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
