Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
