Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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