so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
