she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
