I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
