She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
