puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
