i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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