So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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