I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
