I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
