just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
