No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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