omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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