And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
