My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
