If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
