Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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