I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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