wat bout pragnant strippers??
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
