Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Randomize
