shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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