She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
