Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
