when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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