My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
