i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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