Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
