if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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