two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
