my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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