you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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