I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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