i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
