Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drake has all the answers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
