I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
