Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
