Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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