consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
