Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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