I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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