I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
