i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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