Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
