Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
