He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
