make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
