Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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