You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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