this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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