I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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