BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
