can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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