Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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