Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize