You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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