I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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