Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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