Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
