she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
