i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
