Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found the puke drawer
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im part way to drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize