Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
