Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
