I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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