Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
