A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize