We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
