new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sext me about skeletons
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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