could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
