sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
